第二步：精读重点段落

（Tips: 双击文中单词可以查释义并加入你的生词本哦）

[1] There’s not really any normal way to start a relationship. Some people go on a date, and then another date, and then another, and one day it’s just clear to both of them that they’re in a relationship. Some people start seeing each other, but they keep things black and white until a “So are we doing this?” conversation makes it official. Sometimes a platonic friendship forms first and tension builds under the surface until an unexpected kiss lights the friendship on fire.

• Platonic adj. 理想的；不切实际的；
• unexpected adj. 意外的，想不到的

[6] Who’s the best. And the worst. And you decide you like what you’ve got. And your lives go on together. But just when things get simple, something else starts to happen:
Society, in most parts of the world, doesn’t like when a relationship lasts too long. To society, a relationship is simply a testing ground—an incubator that prepares you for The Decision. And if too many years go by in a relationship without The Decision being made, society decides that something must be wrong. To help right the wrong, society will begin to apply pressure on the couple, from all angles. Some people are bigger than society. Most of us are not. For most of us, society’s rules are our rules, and as you and your person walk down your blue balance beam, you can feel the walking space melt away around you. It’s time to make The Decision. Your relationship needs to be converted into Everything Forever or Nothing Ever Again. Soon.

• incubator n. 孵卵器；早产儿保育器；细菌培养器
• apply pressure on  对…施加压力
• convert vi. 转变，变换；皈依；改变信仰

[10] Deep down, most people are sympathetic characters. And when you’re in a relationship for enough time, you’ll usually end up loving the person—even if you don’t like them. You know their whole story, which makes you care about them and the fact that they rely on you makes you feel a tremendous loyalty to them. This is the kind of love you feel for your family and closest friends, and it can exist in full force even after the feeling of being “in love” has faded. And for many people, this deep emotional connection makes it basically inconceivable to ever break up with their partner. This is a beautiful way to make The Decision when you’re in a strong, healthy relationship, and a tragedy when you’re not.

• sympathetic n. 交感神经；容易感受的人
• inconceivable adj. 不可思议的；难以置信的；不能想象的；非凡的

（Tips: 双击文中单词可以查释义并加入你的生词本哦）

The Marriage Decision: Everything Forever or Nothing Ever Again

[1] There’s not really any normal way to start a relationship. Some people go on a date, and then another date, and then another, and one day it’s just clear to both of them that they’re in a relationship. Some people start seeing each other, but they keep things black and white until a “So are we doing this?” conversation makes it official. Sometimes a platonic friendship forms first and tension builds under the surface until an unexpected kiss lights the friendship on fire.

[2] But there’s usually some first time that this happens；

And suddenly, you’re here:

Your new relationship is with you all the time, even when you’re not together. You’ve left the rest of shitty humanity behind, and it feels great. Then this happens:

And all the song lyrics make sense.

[3] It goes on like this for a while, but as the months pass, you notice things changing. The unicorns turn into horses and then bikes and then one day, you’re not riding anything at all. The perfect person you found starts to say and do imperfect things. Some of those funny quirks you adored early on seem to be striking you as more annoying than funny. And it starts to dawn on you that you might be dating a fucking dick.

• Quirk n. 怪癖；急转；借口

[4] Sometimes things go further south, as butterflies and rainbows turn into frustration and disillusionment, and the relationship that used to lift you up seems to now be boxing you in. All of the negative qualities you couldn’t see in the fog of love are suddenly right in your face, like a weight that’s dragging you down. A lot of relationships end right about here.

• disillusionment n. 幻灭；醒悟

[5] But maybe, having seen the dark side of your partner, you step back and take a long look at both the good and bad together. You put away both the rose-colored glasses and the shit-colored glasses and see who you’re really dating: a three-dimensional, one-of-a-kind, beautiful, piece-of-shit human being.
[6] Who’s the best. And the worst. And you decide you like what you’ve got. And your lives go on together.

But just when things get simple, something else starts to happen:

Society, in most parts of the world, doesn’t like when a relationship lasts too long. To society, a relationship is simply a testing ground—an incubator that prepares you for The Decision. And if too many years go by in a relationship without The Decision being made, society decides that something must be wrong. To help right the wrong, society will begin to apply pressure on the couple, from all angles. Some people are bigger than society. Most of us are not. For most of us, society’s rules are our rules, and as you and your person walk down your blue balance beam, you can feel the walking space melt away around you. It’s time to make The Decision. Your relationship needs to be converted into Everything Forever or Nothing Ever Again. Soon.

• incubator n. [禽] 孵卵器；[儿科] 保温箱；早产儿保育器；细菌培养器
• convert vt. 使转变；转换…；使…改变信仰vi. 转变，变换；皈依；改变信仰

[7] The typical human isn’t really equipped to make The Decision. We evolved to live short lives, during which life-altering 60-year commitments weren’t a thing. We evolved in small communities without nearly as many available options. And most of us, when presented with The Decision, have relatively little relationship experience and an incomplete understanding of our own adult selves—selves that in many cases only recently started existing. But society doesn’t care. So you decide. Humans have come up with four main methods to make The Decision:

Method 1) Let the other person decide

[8] The easiest way to handle The Decision is to just not really handle it. You take a passive approach, as if you’re on a raft, going down a river, and you have no control over where the current leads you—you’re in the hands of momentum and inertia. Once you hit your mid-20s, you just wait until you get into your next relationship and then marry whoever that person happens to be, whenever/if-ever that person decides it’s time, regardless of how right or wrong the relationship is for you.

• momentum n. 势头；[物] 动量；动力；冲力
• inertia n. [力] 惯性；惰性，迟钝；不活动

Method 2) Let your primal forces battle it out

[9] For people determined to more actively make The Decision, the next easiest way to go is to let your emotions and primal forces figure it out. Making The Decision provides a reminder that “you” is actually a collection of voices, each weighing in from different parts of evolutionary history. Each voice has its role in the homeostasis of our normal lives, but when it’s time for something as rare and important as The Decision, there’s suddenly a brawl in your head for influence—and no one brawls harder than your primal forces. Some of the major players:

• primal n. 被压抑童年情绪的释放adj. 原始的；主要的；最初的vt. 释放（被压抑的童年情绪）
• homeostasis n. [生理] 体内平衡；[自] 内稳态
• brawl n. 争吵；打架 vt. 大声喊出；为…争吵vi. 争吵；打架；大喊大叫

Love

[10] Deep down, most people are sympathetic characters. And when you’re in a relationship for enough time, you’ll usually end up loving the person—even if you don’t like them. You know their whole story, which makes you care about them and the fact that they rely on you makes you feel a tremendous loyalty to them. This is the kind of love you feel for your family and closest friends, and it can exist in full force even after the feeling of being “in love” has faded. And for many people, this deep emotional connection makes it basically inconceivable to ever break up with their partner. This is a beautiful way to make The Decision when you’re in a strong, healthy relationship, and a tragedy when you’re not.

• sympathetic n. 交感神经；容易感受的人adj. 同情的；交感神经的；共鸣的；赞同的；和谐的；合意的
• inconceivable adj. 不可思议的；难以置信的；不能想象的；非凡的

Fear

[11] Humans specialize in making critical life decisions based on fear, and when it comes to The Decision, there’s a lot to be afraid of. When a fearful person takes a look to the left side of the balance beam, they might see all kinds of things；

The right side of the beam isn’t much better.

Different people feel these fears at different levels of intensity, and for someone whose fear tends to run their life, it’s usually pretty simple: the particular fear that grabs them hardest by the collar ends up making The Decision.

Ego

[12] Your ego, meanwhile, is busy staring down at a clipboard. Depending on what your ego values, that clipboard might display a checklist describing your ideal partner—their appearance, age, family background, intelligence, job, wealth, general personality type, etc. Or maybe the clipboard has a story written on it, one that was written long ago about how your life should go. Your ego will examine your current situation and see how it measures up to what’s written on the clipboard, and it’ll base The Decision on its findings. While all of this analysis is going on, your ego sometimes also finds itself getting very hungry—for admiration, attention, and conquest. If this hunger gets too intense, it can overwhelm an ego to the point where it may sway its vote, no matter what the clipboard says.

• clipboard n. 剪贴板；附有纸夹的笔记板
• conquest n. 征服，战胜；战利品
• sway n. 影响；摇摆；统治vt. 影响；统治；使摇动vi. 影响；摇摆

Sex Drive

[13] Your sex drive is not a complicated character. If it has a grilled cheese sandwich every day for lunch and then one day, you ask it if it would like to try the buffet, it’s going to say yes. Unless, of course, the grilled cheese is super fucking incredible.

[14] So these four primal forces, along with a few others, all voice their opinion at the same time. In some people, all of the voices are in agreement about the verdict. In others, the voices disagree, but one of the voices is so loud that it drowns out the others. In both of those cases, The Decision is pretty easy.
But what happens when your primal forces provide no clear answer?

• verdict n. 结论；裁定

Method 3) Turn to your gut

[15] For some reason, we have wise stomachs, and when The Decision isn’t obvious, sometimes asking your gut can do the trick. Your gut relies on your intuition and asks one simple question: does this feel right? And what makes your gut your gut is that when it answers that question, it doesn’t deliberate—it just knows the answer: a simple yes or a simple no. The gut doesn’t deal with nuance, which makes it a good match for something big and binary, like The Decision. And for a lot of people, this works.

• deliberate adj. 故意的；深思熟虑的；从容的 vt. 仔细考虑；商议
• nuance n. 细微差别
• binary adj. [数] 二进制的；二元的，二态的
• instinctual adj. [生物] 本能的

[16] But there are some people who won’t end up being passive Deciders, or emotional Deciders, or gut Deciders—who won’t turn to any primal or instinctual voice when it comes to this particular decision. They’ll get to the bottom of this in spite of those voices—based on experience and evidence and data and facts. They won’t be instinct-driven or fear-driven or ego-driven or sex-driven—they’ll be guided by rationality. The brain Deciders. And when it comes time for them to make The Decision, they’re in big trouble.