第二步：精读重点段落

第二十九段

Almost any feeling that we have in response to an event generally falls into two categories: good and bad. Over time, good feelings come together to nurture conditions for what we define as happiness, and too many bad feelings are the cause of unhappiness.

第三十段

It’s all far more complicated than simplified labels, but an easy way to make sense of it is to view good feelings as sensations that occur when reality meets or exceeds our internal subjective expectations, and bad feelings as sensations that occur when reality falls short.

Forget Happiness. Focus on Unhappiness.

How You Feel Depends on How You Respond

第十八段
It’s one thing to imagine and fear trauma, but it’s an entirely different thing to experience it. In spite of stories like Stacey Kramer’s, and notwithstanding that most outcomes aren’t as bad as we think they will be, some experiences can stay with us for a prolonged period.

第十九段
Mental illnesses like PTSD, depression, and anxiety are often triggered by painful episodes in our lives, and science has yet to provide a reliable answer as to why these illnesses are so prevalent and where exactly they come from.

第二十段
It appears that part of the answer lies hidden in our genetic code and part of it has to do with how we choose to respond to the stressors in our environment.

第二十一段
Addressing these extreme illnesses is beyond the scope here. That said, if one part the equation is how we respond to our environment, then maybe understanding how people like Kramer come out on the bright side can help us fight the unhappiness brought on by circumstance in our own life.

What Exactly Is PTG?

第二十二段
Post-traumatic growth was originally coined by two psychologists at the University of North Carolina, Richard Tedeschi and Lawrence Calhoun. At the time, they had spent a decade studying bereaved parents. They found that though the tragedy of losing a child was never really lessened, there was a personal gain within that loss for many of the parents.

第二十三段
By choosing to extract meaning from their loss, the parents moved towards activism and acts of compassion and altruism that they wouldn’t have otherwise discovered the richness in had they not experienced the trauma. It may not have been a blessing in disguise, but there was a gain, and that’s what they focused on.

第二十四段
We can influence our environment and maximize our odds of a favorable outcome with good information, but in life, there will always be a chance factor. The world will hit you, and it will be unexpected. You can’t do much to control that.

第二十五段
You can, however, to some degree control your response. You have two primary options: you can choose to respond with acceptance and seek meaning and growth — or any other framing tactic that makes sense to you — or you can give in to your circumstances.

第二十六段
The result will be the difference. How you respond will affect how you feel, and how you feel will ultimately determine whether or not you’re unhappy with your life at large.

The Key Is in Your Ability to Adjust Expectations

第二十七段
So far we’ve discussed mental tactics for dealing with specific instances. There is, however, an overarching strategy that brings it all together. Ultimately, limiting unhappiness comes down to cultivating the ability to constantly adjust your internal expectations.

第二十八段
An outside event is often objective. If a parent passes away, for example, that’s something concrete. But how we make sense of such events is through subjective experience. It depends on what you believe about what’s happened. It depends on your prior expectations.

第二十九段
Almost any feeling that we have in response to an event generally falls into two categories: good and bad. Over time, good feelings come together to nurture conditions for what we define as happiness, and too many bad feelings are the cause of unhappiness.

第三十段
It’s all far more complicated than simplified labels, but an easy way to make sense of it is to view good feelings as sensations that occur when reality meets or exceeds our internal subjective expectations, and bad feelings as sensations that occur when reality falls short.

第三十一段
Now, many that agree with this general framework often come to one easy conclusion: the key to happiness is low expectations. This way, the objective reality almost always meets or exceeds what we expect from it. And on the surface, at least, it should make sense.

第三十二段
The problem with low expectations, however, is that they’re just not feasible. We know that mindset affects results. If a professional athlete went into every game or occasion not expecting to be the best they could, they likely wouldn’t stay a professional for much longer.

第三十三段
The goal shouldn’t be to eliminate unhappiness but to limit it. Elimination doesn’t work, and more importantly, doses of unhappiness are needed for true happiness to be appreciated. The secret then lies in our ability to adjust the lever of our expectations when we do fall short. We have to be flexible in how we manipulate our outlook based on new information.

第三十四段
It’s okay, and sometimes even necessary, to feel unhappy in response to something. The danger lies in going from a moment of unhappiness into a prolonged state of unhappiness.

All You Need to Know

第三十五段
Every year, a new body of research points out the things that will make us happy in our lives. Most of it is nothing new. It’s just a different way of reframing what we already know. Relationships are important, meaningful work is important, and gratitude is important.

第三十六段
Most of us know this, and yet, nothing changes. For some, the case may well be that the things that make us happy are out of reach. The vast majority of us, however, are limited not by our pursuit of happiness, but simply by what we don’t know about minimizing unhappiness.

第三十七段
To have a shot at being happy, we must first nurture conditions that limit dissatisfaction in our lives. Getting from neutral to happy isn’t the challenge. Most of us can manage that. The challenge is in how to consistently and effectively go from unhappy to neutral.

第三十八段
That’s where the true difference lies.