Traffic woes drive us crazy

来源: http://www.miamiherald.com/living/liv-columns-blogs/dave-barry/article1943414.html


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By Dave Barry

  • woes 痛苦、麻烦

[1] Our traffic problems are getting worse, according to a recent study by the Institute of Discovering Things That Make You Go "Duh."
 

  • duh 这是一个很口语的词,用来评论认为很傻或本来应该知道的行为或言论

[2] How bad is our traffic mess? Consider these alarming facts:

  • mess 困境、混乱、脏乱

[3] FACT: Commuting by automobile now takes so long that many workers have no time to do any actual work. When they reach their place of employment, they grab a cup of coffee, spend a few minutes discussing the previous night's episode of The Apprentice with their co-workers, and immediately start the long commute home, unaware that their jobs were outsourced to Asia months ago.

  • commute 做名词指上下班的路程,在这里做动词指较远距离坐车上下班
  • The Apprentice 川普的那个真人秀
  • unaware 不知道的
  • outsource 被外包

[4] FACT: In the past year alone, commuters whose car radios were tuned to "classic rock" spent an average of 347 hours - more than two weeks - just listening to the song Takin' Care of Business, by Bachman Turner Overdrive. The statistics are even more chilling for Black Magic Woman.

  • commuters 远距离上下班往返的人
  • Takin’ Care of Business 一首歌的名字 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Takin%27_Care_of_Business_(song)
  • Bachman Turner Overdrive 一直乐队的名字 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bachman–Turner_Overdrive
  • Black Magic Woman 一首歌的名字 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Magic_Woman

[5] FACT: Gridlock is so bad that as many as 15 percent of women drivers now pass the time by picking their noses. (The figure for men remains steady at 100 percent.)

  • gridlock 交通大堵塞、僵局
  • picking sb’s nose 抠鼻子

[6] FACT: In greater Los Angeles, the only documented instance in the past two decades of anybody actually getting anywhere by car is O.J. Simpson.

  • greater Los Angeles 是指洛杉矶以及周围的地方
  • documented 有文件可证明的
  • instance 情况、例子
  • O.J. Simpson https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/O._J._Simpson 警察逮捕他的时候,他开车跑了,电视上播了逃跑的过程

[7] FACT: Traffic is now a problem even in rural areas such as North Dakota, where this year, for what is believed to be the first time in the state's history, two motorists arrived simultaneously at the same intersection (North Dakota has six). They were stuck there for several days, each motorist gesturing, in friendly Heartland fashion, for the other to go first. Ultimately they both had to walk home.

  • rural 农村的、乡村的
  • North Dakota 北达科他州
  • motorists 驾车者
  • simultaneously 同时地
  • intersection 十字路口
  • stuck 被卡住
  • gesture 示意动作、手势;用动作示意
  • Heartland 中心区域
  • fashion 在这里指的是方式

[8] FACT: Bachman Turner Overdrive was originally named "Brave Belt."

[9] Clearly, we have a serious traffic problem. The question is, what can we do, as a nation, to get motorists off the roads?

[10] One obvious answer is to allow them to drive on the sidewalks. This is the system used in Greece, where the entire motor vehicle code consists of a single law: No stopping. This law requires Greek motorists to use a loose interpretation of the term "legal right of way, " which in Greece is basically defined as "Greece." I learned this while I was in Athens for the Olympics, and on two occasions a moving taxi made direct physical contact with me while I was sitting at a cafe table. The second time the contact was pretty firm, so I gestured at the taxi driver to indicate "Excuse me, sir, but your taxi has struck me, " and the driver shouted something that I assume was Greek for, "What do you expect?! You're SITTING AT A CAFE TABLE!!"

  • sidewalks 人行道
  • indicate 指示
  • struck 击打、碰撞

[11] But the point is that, without a bunch of "red tape" laws requiring motorists to stop or yield or avoid humans, traffic in Greece moves quite freely everywhere, including inside the Parthenon. If we adopted such a system here, we could speed up our traffic flow, and as a side health benefit really perk up the average pedestrian pulse rate.

  • red tape 繁文缛节
  • Parthenon 帕提农神庙
  • adopt 采用
  • perk up 使振作
  • pedestrian 行人
  • pulse rate 脉搏绿

[11] Another possible solution to our traffic problems is "car pooling, " which is when a group of people ride together in one car, saving gasoline, inhaling each other's bodily emissions and arguing over which radio station to listen to ("Hey leave it! I LIKE Black Magic Woman!") So we can rule this solution out.

  • car pooling 拼车(一般写carpooling)
  • gasoline 汽油
  • inhaling 吸入
  • bodily emissions 身体的各种“排放物”
  • rule out 排除

[12] A far better solution is mass transit, which has been proven to be effective in Boston, Chicago, New York and Washington, D.C., all of which have excellent mass transit. (They also all have really horrible traffic, but I am asking the jury to disregard this.)

  • mass transit 公共交通
  • disregard 不理会、忽视

[13] The problem is that mass transit is very expensive. Washington, for example, would never have been able to build its superb subway system without billions of dollars generously provided by federal taxpayers like you. Most cities - probably including yours - don't have that option. So what can you do? The answer is surprisingly simple and affordable: You can steal Washington's subway!

[14] I don't mean the whole thing, of course: That would be illegal. But if everybody in your city were to visit Washington as a tourist, and each of you just happened to take a Phillips screwdriver, and you each took just a few minutes, between visiting monuments, to unscrew a small piece of the subway and bring it home, before you know it, guess what? That's right: A large sector of your city's population would be in prison. This would ease highway overcrowding.

  • Phillips screwdriver 十字螺丝刀
  • unscrew 拧开
  • sector 部分、行业
  • overcrowding 过渡拥挤

[15] Whatever traffic solution we decide on, we need to do it soon, because as a nation, we need to get out of gridlock and start takin' care of business, every day! Takin' care of business, every way!

[16] Please shoot me.

词汇总结

  • woes 痛苦、麻烦
  • duh 这是一个很口语的词,用来评论认为很傻或本来应该知道的行为或言论
  • mess 困境、混乱、脏乱
  • commute 做名词指上下班的路程,在这里做动词指较远距离坐车上下班
  • The Apprentice 川普的那个真人秀
  • unaware 不知道的
  • outsource 被外包
  • commuters 远距离上下班往返的人
  • Takin’ Care of Business 一首歌的名字 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Takin%27_Care_of_Business_(song)
  • Bachman Turner Overdrive 一支乐队的名字 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bachman–Turner_Overdrive
  • Black Magic Woman 一首歌的名字 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Magic_Woman
  • gridlock 交通大堵塞、僵局
  • picking sb’s nose 抠鼻子
  • greater Los Angeles 是指洛杉矶以及周围的地方
  • documented 有文件可证明的
  • instance 情况、例子
  • O.J. Simpson https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/O._J._Simpson 警察逮捕他的时候,他开车跑了,电视上播了逃跑的过程
  • rural 农村的、乡村的
  • North Dakota 北达科他州
  • motorists 驾车者
  • simultaneously 同时地
  • intersection 十字路口
  • stuck 被卡住
  • gesture 示意动作、手势;用动作示意
  • Heartland 中心区域
  • fashion 在这里指的是方式
  • sidewalks 人行道
  • indicate 指示
  • struck 击打、碰撞
  • red tape 繁文缛节
  • Parthenon 帕提农神庙
  • adopt 采用
  • perk up 使振作
  • pedestrian 行人
  • pulse rate 脉搏绿
  • car pooling 拼车(一般写carpooling)
  • gasoline 汽油
  • inhaling 吸入
  • bodily emissions 身体的各种“排放物”
  • rule out 排除
  • mass transit 公共交通
  • disregard 不理会、忽视
  • Phillips screwdriver 十字螺丝刀
  • unscrew 拧开
  • sector 部分、行业
  • overcrowding 过渡拥挤

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来源: http://www.miamiherald.com/living/liv-columns-blogs/dave-barry/article1943414.html


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By Dave Barry

[1] Our traffic problems are getting worse, according to a recent study by the Institute of Discovering Things That Make You Go "Duh."

[2] How bad is our traffic mess? Consider these alarming facts:

[3] FACT: Commuting by automobile now takes so long that many workers have no time to do any actual work. When they reach their place of employment, they grab a cup of coffee, spend a few minutes discussing the previous night's episode of The Apprentice with their co-workers, and immediately start the long commute home, unaware that their jobs were outsourced to Asia months ago.

[4] FACT: In the past year alone, commuters whose car radios were tuned to "classic rock" spent an average of 347 hours - more than two weeks - just listening to the song Takin' Care of Business, by Bachman Turner Overdrive. The statistics are even more chilling for Black Magic Woman.

[5] FACT: Gridlock is so bad that as many as 15 percent of women drivers now pass the time by picking their noses. (The figure for men remains steady at 100 percent.)

[6] FACT: In greater Los Angeles, the only documented instance in the past two decades of anybody actually getting anywhere by car is O.J. Simpson.

[7] FACT: Traffic is now a problem even in rural areas such as North Dakota, where this year, for what is believed to be the first time in the state's history, two motorists arrived simultaneously at the same intersection (North Dakota has six). They were stuck there for several days, each motorist gesturing, in friendly Heartland fashion, for the other to go first. Ultimately they both had to walk home.

[8] FACT: Bachman Turner Overdrive was originally named "Brave Belt."

[9] Clearly, we have a serious traffic problem. The question is, what can we do, as a nation, to get motorists off the roads?

[10] One obvious answer is to allow them to drive on the sidewalks. This is the system used in Greece, where the entire motor vehicle code consists of a single law: No stopping. This law requires Greek motorists to use a loose interpretation of the term "legal right of way, " which in Greece is basically defined as "Greece." I learned this while I was in Athens for the Olympics, and on two occasions a moving taxi made direct physical contact with me while I was sitting at a cafe table. The second time the contact was pretty firm, so I gestured at the taxi driver to indicate "Excuse me, sir, but your taxi has struck me, " and the driver shouted something that I assume was Greek for, "What do you expect?! You're SITTING AT A CAFE TABLE!!"

[11] But the point is that, without a bunch of "red tape" laws requiring motorists to stop or yield or avoid humans, traffic in Greece moves quite freely everywhere, including inside the Parthenon. If we adopted such a system here, we could speed up our traffic flow, and as a side health benefit really perk up the average pedestrian pulse rate.

[11] Another possible solution to our traffic problems is "car pooling, " which is when a group of people ride together in one car, saving gasoline, inhaling each other's bodily emissions and arguing over which radio station to listen to ("Hey leave it! I LIKE Black Magic Woman!") So we can rule this solution out.

[12] A far better solution is mass transit, which has been proven to be effective in Boston, Chicago, New York and Washington, D.C., all of which have excellent mass transit. (They also all have really horrible traffic, but I am asking the jury to disregard this.)

[13] The problem is that mass transit is very expensive. Washington, for example, would never have been able to build its superb subway system without billions of dollars generously provided by federal taxpayers like you. Most cities - probably including yours - don't have that option. So what can you do? The answer is surprisingly simple and affordable: You can steal Washington's subway!

[14] I don't mean the whole thing, of course: That would be illegal. But if everybody in your city were to visit Washington as a tourist, and each of you just happened to take a Phillips screwdriver, and you each took just a few minutes, between visiting monuments, to unscrew a small piece of the subway and bring it home, before you know it, guess what? That's right: A large sector of your city's population would be in prison. This would ease highway overcrowding.

[15] Whatever traffic solution we decide on, we need to do it soon, because as a nation, we need to get out of gridlock and start takin' care of business, every day! Takin' care of business, every way!

[16] Please shoot me.

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